A gentle breeze blew on Heather’s face before it slipped away, leaving her cheeks tinted pink. She tugged on the hems of her shirt and gazed at the daytime sky, admiring how the clouds moved constantly. It was in this time of year that white lilies began to sprout out the ground, marking their temporary symbol on the newly cut grass beneath her feet.
“Can I sit next to you?”
Heather turned around to see, Quincy, who was leaning next to a tree. The brown bangs that used to cover his eyes were gone, replaced by a new hairstyle. Short and sweet. A small tear slid down her cheek but to him she looked the same as ever, beautiful even.
In an instant he appeared next to her, comforting Heather with his slightly cold hand. No words came out of her mouth and Quincy knew what made her cry…it was him. His body started to tremble as he hugged her tightly.
“I’m here now.”
“I missed you,” was all she could say.
He nodded in understanding. “There are good people up there, no need to worry.”
Heather closed her eyes and it seemed that Quincy had gone dead silent.
Suddenly leaves rustled nearby, mingling with a sweet tune that had just begun. The music grew nearer every passing second. Finally, it spoke.
“Grandma, it’s time to go.” The little girl held out her hand, but paused. She wondered what her grandmother could be doing kneeling in front of the polished stone. Casey decided that it wouldn’t hurt to wait a bit longer, even though they were running late to her dentist appointment. Her feet neared the dozens of flowers surrounding grandma and a blurred figure, but her face showed confusion as soon as she saw them.
There was a young man, who looked around the age of twenty, hugging her grandma. In a minute, the girl was quick to handle the situation and embraced him, smelling a light aroma.
“Hi grandpa, it’s been a long time since I saw you.”
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I have posted this question already but I got comments saying it was "good"
Can you tell me if you're confused about something or advice on grammar.
(I think my sentences are really BAD)
If you like it, well just try to motivate me that it is good. I showed this to my mom and I waited for her reaction and she didn't do anything. She just said "It's okay."
So that's why I was kind of hurt
P.s. I'm submitting this for a grade
Can you just explain what is going on? Is Quincy dead? Is he just a forgotten memory of an old friend?
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I am not entirely sure what is going on. You keep switching point of views. First you are from Heather's eyes. Then you are from the little girl's eyes. Not sure what the music in the leaves is all about. Instead of saying polished stone, could you say what the stone is? Is the man like a vampire since he's young and cold? If he is, you should say he flashed his vampiric teeth at her. I'm sure I would understand with more chapters, but I can't right now. You should post this on wattpad.com for more comments from experienced writers. You can also read other people's works there.
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