Now I'm not fat or anything, in fact, I'm pretty thin, but he kept telling me to lose weight, do something with my hair, change my hairstyle and criticized the way I dressed most of the times.
He indirectly made it clear that he didn't like me talking to other men even if they were relatives or guys younger than me. I was expected to only love him. (That actually made me feel he's crazy or something ) He didn't like the close bond I shared with my family members or the love I have towards them.
A lot of important issues we discussed about, on which we had to take decisions he didn't want me to consult my family, friends or relatives ( which again I felt was weird on his part )
His behaviour basically confused me, cause at numerous occasions he use to humiliate me and say mean things to me with both our families being around. And then he use to keep saying ' I love you ', 'n' no. of times. Again very weird, who keeps saying that again and again.
And he didn't want me to work. Cause he's financially sound. Even at restaurants he wanted to dominate me, not liking it if I wanted to order a particular thing. The thing is I don't let anyone dominate me and I didn't let him too, which I guess use to make him even more angry over small and petty things.
He didn't introduce me to his friends. Made up excuses for that. ( I guess he didn't like other men looking at me, I'm not sure on that. )
I always wondered why does a smart, handsome and educated guy behave like this?
Does this guy have a personality disorder?
He definitely subjected you to emotional abuse. No matter how strong we are as a woman, if a man is intent on engaging in behavior which attempts to diminish his partner,to weaken her for the purpose of making himself feel stronger or gaining an imbalance of power in the relationship(which is exactly what this really is about), it can have an effect on the subconcious mind and you need to take steps to get closure from the way he behaved so that his bad behavior towards you is not permanently internalized. This is because the human mind is like a sponge and things can affect us without us realizing it.
I think to answer your question…why would an otherwise intellligent man have acted like this ?…Well…he will do it to the next woman as well. It's called crazy making behavior…..it can make a woman doubt her own perceptions if 5 seconds later he is profusely professing his love for you. And in moments of clarity he may well be momentarily sorry(or more likely apologizing for fear of losing you or only because he looks bad in your eyes)..but not truly sorry enough to grow and stop the behavior which is why he repeats it over and over and over again because he gains his strength by weakening the woman in his life so he is highly unlikely to stop….thats the reality…its like a bad habit for him and IMO the basis of this behavior comes down to male entitlement and the way he was raised by his mother. Most likely his mother was very subservient to her husband because she was raised to think that way or for other reasons and she did not have strength to claim her power in her marriage and did not parent this man with adequate respect for women or adequate discipline.. Consequently- this man got the message from his home environmental influences that he has 'entitlement' to the power in the relationship and that a woman's purpose is to please him…even down to believing he has the right to tell you how to dress or style your hair or lose weight. He probably absolutely means it when he insisted that he loves you and you may even feel some compassion for him when he does….but its a very selfish kind of love designed to keep you with him but without consistently treating you as on some level he really does know he should..he didn't want to lose you, but he also wanted to mold you into a weaker woman that would be 'obedient' to him and to his liking in every way because that benefits him. If he grew up with the home dynamic as described he is going to try to find a woman to mold into that exact same dynamic and get frustrated or angry when she resists(as she should) His behavior must have been very confusing to you and its a very good thing you got out quickly as its a lost cause I would think in most cases….short of MAJOR long term therapy and if he decides changing is what he wants to do…that's because this man's very definition/believe system of a woman and a woman's role in a relationship and his sense of male entitlement is deeply ingrained since his childhood environment and he's got a lot invested in maintaining that belief and recreating that relationship dynamic. I also like what DWH said. It's very possible that this man's belief system also carries over into other people he perceives as having a lower status than his own..eg..not only women.
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Yeah leave that controller
To me if you feel a need to ask this question then YES!
You hit it on the head when you said that even at the restaurant he wanted to DOMINATE you. This jerk has all the hallmarks of the classic CONTROL FREAK. To make up for his OWN INADEQUACIES, he tries to bend everyone who he perceives as being of a lower status then himself, to his will. That means trying to change EVERY LAST DETAIL HE CAN. He will constantly put you down just to make himself feel that bit more superior.
YOU ARE WELL SHOT OF HIM!! Don't give him another thought!!!
He's a control freak,needs to dominate females. scared to lose control, Dump him many of these types get physical. personality disorder? Yes and you would do good to get away from him.
It seems like a co-dependent relationship. He has insecurities which cause him to say I love you to get affection from you and to re-assure him or because he doesn't know what to say to you or feels too on edge to talk or doesn't feel loved or safe and secure in the relationship or doesn't trust you, and he uses the controlling behavoir and put-downs to feel in control. He's very insecure and needs therapy. Its hard to live with somebody like that.
I have the affection demanding insecurity complex and my wife made it much worse by ignoring me all the time. Of course she had a complex about control and not being controlled which caused her to want to control everything and caused her to think I was putting her down when I was just trying to talk to her, or talk about our problems with some freinds and my mother. She would isolate me from friends and family, say she didn't like my friends or if I got new friend accused me of going out with him and cheating with girls. She would never want to talk about anything with me and would chew my head off for saying the slightest thing she felt offended by or she disagreed with. This made me very insecure, like I didn't know what to say and she'd just react be being cold and defensive. So I'd say I love you all the time. it's a bad dynamic and hard one to break.
He should get individual therapy and you should go to couples counselling early on if it happens in another relationship.
Is he a human being ? Who would do that to a person !? It makes me mad how this generation is messed up ! . . . But anyways , do you know if he had a rough life ? A bad past ? A really bad heart broken ? Maybe is something that affected him in the past that makes hi like this. He probably was betrayed by someone and he's afraid it would happened again . About making you feel worthless and insulting you maybe can be habits that he gain from someone like his family or friends . He feels insecure and he makes you feel the same so he won't be the only one . The point is that you should NEVER let anybody make you feel like that . You end up hurt mentally and physically because you do things to your body to please someone else , that's wrong . Don't let people treat you this way ever and always know that you don't need to change for NOBODY . You are beautiful inside and out that's what you should always keep in your head . Next time this happens end it ASAP and don't let it get worst like it did . I don't know you but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here (:
Run as fast as you can away from this guy ! He is an abuser . Yes its verbal and emotional right now but it could turn physical. Get away and count your blessings you did.
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