Is It Normal for a Man to Dominate Child Rearing from Education to Looks and Socializing?

My husband has controlled how our children looked,what language they spoke,who the befriended, and their education(he's homeschooled them). Where I come from this is a woman's job,but my husband more or less pushed me to the side.
My husband is half Chechnyan and half Kazakh. He has red hair with blond streaks that use to be strawberry blond when I met him. He has very scary blue eyes and a fair complexion. He also stands about 6'6" tall.
We've got nine kids together including some fraternal triplets. None of the kids look alike,but you can tell some are vaguely related. One of our daughter is brown and has kinky hair,he doesn't really like he,because she's talkative and he thinks I cheated on him,because she's brown.
Anyway when our triplets were younger,they did pagents. Our oldest daughter who is also the oldest triplet didn't really blossom on stage and hated all the preparations my husband insisted on doing to fix her up. The second triplet, a boy,had loads of personality, chesnut/dirty blond hair,and impish turqoise eyes. He rocked every pagent and has plenty of sashes and crowns to prove it. THe third triplet and second daughter looks exactly like her dad. She has his hair, bright blue eyes,and fair complexion along with his slim build and long legs. The judges just loved her exotic looks and her crowns and trophies have their own room in our house!
My husband is very particular about looks.Doing pagents was my idea,but my husband quickly took over! He would bleach the triplets teeth and get mad when the eldest triplet didn't want to be bothered. He would say things like"Your sister's teeth look like pearls. Your teeth are so yellow that they're almost gold!" or "The dog has more grace than that!" when the eldest triplet didn't try hard enough to learn the routines.
We decided early on to heep the eldest triplets hair in a nice short to medium haircut. Her hair color is like a light brown color with some auburn undertones and some curls. The boy triplet had a pageboy type haircut for the longest. His hair is wavy. My husband on keeping the third triplets hair long. At one point her hair was down to her waist when she about 5. When we'd take them to the salon for trims. my husband would hover over the stylist and micromanage her. Their hair had to be PERFECT. She cut a bit then my husband would inspect it,then she would cut a little more,until the length,body,and symetrics satisfied him. We would spend hours getting their hair cut,especially before pagents!
He obsessed over all the kids,but specially the triplets. He taught them at home,so they would not grow up to be "greedy capitalist"(He grew up in the Soviet Union.). He severely limited the time spent outside the house. Now our kids are starting to leave for college and I am worried that WE RUINED THEM.

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